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Doubts

Oil on Canvas - 11"x14"

Finished January 16, 2000

Concept:

I started painting this around 1995, and initially, it was going to be a larger painting, but for some reason that I can't recall, I placed it to the side – only to be finished years later in 2000. 

 

When painting this, I was focusing all of my energy on establishing a newspaper, The Independent, in the Louisville market that I and some fantastic young journalists I started in 1994. We published and distributed it for a few years, then went online for a period. I spent nearly all of my creative energy and time on this business, with little time focusing on my art. I was uncertain if I was sacrificing too much of my artistic needs for co-running a business. 

Standing is a soulless version of myself dressed in a suit and tie, looming over me with its hand burying deep into my chest, clutching my heart as I stare into this eyeless version of myself. I have the proverbial worm of doubt wrapping tightly around me. The snow reinforces the concept of being cold and soulless. I can't remember now what all of the symbolism specifically means. Doves symbolize peace. Trees represent life. Rocks represent a permanence or foundation (bedrock). There is a dark and light dove merging to form a yin and yang, the symbol of the ancient Chinese philosophy of dualism for how contrary forces may be complementary and interconnected. I am very subservient to my corporate form in this scene. I think because I loved doing the paper and working for myself. I was working to balance these two critical aspects of my life.

In early 2000, I decided to revisit this work while getting ready for an art show. So I cropped the canvas to just this section and painted the background white in a drip ceiling technique to create nervous energy around them. I like the use of negative space between both faces and the tension in how the corporate me is screaming while I am just solemnly staring deep in contemplation.

In 2000, I worked for an advertising agency and did so for another seven years. Since 2007, I've been working for myself. I started my advertising agency that year. My wife and I have been working side by side since 2011. I have found a rewarding balance between being a business owner, graphic artist, and fine artist.

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